The Mule-Mounted Howitzer Fiasco

Out in a certain western fort, some time ago, the major conceived the idea that artillery might be used effectively in fighting with the Indians by dispensing with gun-carriages and fastening the cannon upon the backs of mules. So he explained his views to the commandant, and it was determined to try the experiment. A howitzer was selected and strapped upon an ambulance mule, with the muzzle pointed towards the tail. When they had secured the gun, and loaded it with ball-cartridge, they led that calm and steadfast mule out on the bluff and set up a target in the middle of the river to practice at. The rear of the mule was turned toward the target, and he was backed gently up to the edge of the bluff. The officers stood around in a semicircle, while the major went up and inserted a time-fuse in the touch-hole of the howitzer. When the gun was ready, the major lit it and retired. In a moment the hitherto unruffled mule heard the fizzing back there on his neck, and it made him uneasy. He reached his head round to ascertain what was going on, and, as he did so, his body turned and the howitzer began to sweep around the horizon. The mule at last became excited, and his curiosity grew more and more intense, and in a second or two he was standing with his four legs in a bunch, making six revolutions a minute, and the howitzer, I understand, threatening sudden death to every man within half a mile. The commandant was observed to climb suddenly up a tree; the lieutenants were seen sliding over the bluff into the river; the adjutant made good time towards the fort; the sergeant began to throw up breastworks with his bayonet, and the major rolled over the ground and groaned. In two or three minutes there was a puff of smoke, a dull thud, and the mule—oh! where was he? A solitary jackass might have been seen turning successive back-somersaults over the bluff, only to rest at anchor, finally, with his howitzer at the bottom of the river, while the ball went off towards the fort, hit the chimney in the major’s quarters, rattled the adobe bricks down into the parlor, and frightened the major’s wife into convulsions. They do not allude to it now, and no report of the results of the experiment was ever sent to the War Department.