The Church Fair Grind: A Young Man’s Ordeal with Charity and Cake

It was at a church fair, and he had come there at the special request of his 'cousin,' who was at the head of the flower table. He opened the door bashfully, and stood, bat in hand, looking at the brilliant scene before him when a young lady rushed up, and grabbing him by the arm, said.

'Oh, you must, you will take a chance in our cake; come right over here. This way.'

Blushing to the roots of his hair, he stammered right out that 'really he didn't have the pleasure of knowing—'

'Oh, that's all right,' said the young lady. 'You'll know me better before you leave. I'm one of the managers you understand. Come, the cake will be taken if you don't hurry,' and she almost dragged him over to one of the middle tables. 'There, now, only fifty cents a slice and you may get a real gold ring: You had better take three or four slices. It will increase your chances, you know.'

'Very good,' he stammered. 'But I'm not fond of cake—that is, I haven't any use for the ring—l—'

'Ah, that will be ever so nice,' said the young lady, 'for now if you get the ring, you can give it back and we'll put it in another cake.'

'Y-e-e-s,' said the young man, with a sickly smile. 'To be sure, but—'

'Oh, there isn't any but about it,' said the young lady, smiling sweetly. 'You know you promised?'

'Promised?'

'Well, no not exactly that; but you will take just one slice?' and she looked her whole soul into his eyes.

'Well, I suppose—'

'To be sure. There is your cake,' and she slipped a great slice in his delicately gloved hands as he handed her a dollar bill. 'Oh, that is so nice,' added the young lady, and she plastered another piece of cake on top of the one she had just given him. 'I knew you would take at least two chances,' and here his dollar bill disappeared across the table and she then called to a companion: 'Oh Miss Larkins, here is a gentleman who wishes to have his fortune told.'

'Oh does he? Send him right over,' answered Miss Larkins.

'I beg your pardon, but I'm afraid you are mistaken. I don't remember saying anything about—'

'Oh, but you will,' said the first young lady, tugging at the youth's arm. 'It is for the good of the cause, and you won't refuse,' and once more the beautiful eyes looked soulfully into his. 'Here we are. Now, take an envelope. Open it. There! you are going to be married in a year. Isn't that jolly? Seven and five cents, please.' This time the youth was careful to hand out the exact change.

'Oh, I should like to have my fortune told. May I?' said the first lady.

'Of course you may, my dear,' said Miss Larkins, handing out one of her envelopes. 'Oh, dear, you are going to be married this year, too. Sixty-five cents more, please?' and the poor youth came down with another dollar note. 'No change here, you know,' added Miss Larkins, putting the greenback in her pocket.

'Oh, come, let's try our weight,' said the first young lady, once more tugging at the bashful youth's coat sleeve, and before he knew where he was he found himself standing on the platform of the scales. 'Five hundred and thirty-two,' said the young lady. 'Oh! how I should like to be a great heavy man like you,' said she, jumping on the scale like a bird. 'One hundred and thirteen. Well, that is light. One dollar please.'

'What?' said the youth, 'one dollar! isn't that pretty steep?'

'Oh, but you know,' said the young lady, 'it is for charity,' and another dollar was added to the treasury of the fair.

'I'm afraid I have an engagement—'

'Oh, not first you must buy me a bouquet for taking you all round,' said the young lady. 'Step over here.' and there was soon a feast from the flower table. 'Here is just what I want,' and the young lady picked up a basket of roses and nosegays. 'Seven dollars, please.'

'Oh, Jack, is that yen?' cried the poor youth's wife from behind the flower counter, 'and such an elaborate affair. 'Twelve dollars, the hope and settle down in despair.'

'You'll excuse me, ladies,' he stammered, 'but I must go—I have—'

'Here, let me pin this in your button hole,' interrupted his cousin. 'Fifty cents please,' and then the youth broke away, and made a straight line for the door.

'Well, if ever I visit another church fair may I be d—!' he ejaculated, as he counted over his cash to see if he had the car fare to ride home.