The Drunken Rampage of a North Seattle Man
After a mysterious tumble down a steep Seattle staircase, a local man terrorized his neighborhood until police intervention.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
J. B. Harper, a resident of North Seattle, drank some kind of liquor last night which took such violent hold on him that he kept the patrol wagon busy arresting him, the doctors repairing him, and the deputy coroner searching for his corpse. His exploits ended at Providence Hospital, where he is in a serious plight. He came down Lenora street early in the evening, and when he reached the steep stairs leading down to Front street, he missed his footing and rolled. Bump, bump, thump, now sideways and again head first he went, until he reached the sidewalk and lay helpless. Finally some boys came along; one thought he was dead and another concluded he was drunk. Two reports were received at headquarters: one announcing an accident on Front near Lenora, the other a corpse at the corner of Front and Bell streets. The patrol wagon got there first and removed Harper to 2122 Second street, where he lives. The deputy coroner searched North Seattle high and low but no corpse was discovered. The patrol wagon landed Harper and his bloody nose at his residence, where Dr. Kloeber patched his dislocated proboscis. Harper had not been in bed long when his injuries made him wild with pain. He jumped out of bed and, before anyone could stop him, was out of doors. He mistook the window of a house in the neighborhood for a door and plunged through, breaking the glass and cutting himself in several places. The patrol wagon arrived again and took him to Providence Hospital, where it is probable he sustained severe internal injuries.
“Bump, bump, thump, now sideways and again head first he went.”
Public intoxication and medical emergencies remain a visible part of the urban experience in downtown Seattle, though today's response involves EMTs rather than the patrol wagon. The chaotic geography of North Seattle's stairs—likely connecting the steep bluffs of the Denny Regrade area—was a common hazard in a city then being rapidly reshaped by land movement.
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