The Absurdist Board of Trade of Puyallup
A satirical account of a local civic meeting where the town's ambitions far outpaced its resources.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
The proceedings of the Puyallup Board of Trade are interesting reading. As a deliberative body, it marks an era in our civilization. The board met pursuant to agreement and proceeded to deliberate. It was moved that we ask the Pennsylvania Railroad to connect its line to Puyallup and compete with Vancouver for the Chinese and Japanese trade. Adopted. Moved that Mr. Depew be asked during the rainy season to come and be entertained by means of a 'buggy ride and tough crust ice cream' in order to give Eastern people a better idea of our resources. Passed. Moved that the Puyallup band be permitted to practice in the Board of Trade building if it will furnish its own kerosene. Referred to committee on entertainment. Resolved that this town has always had a good, steady, healthy growth, and that we do now adjourn.
“Resolved that this town has always had a good, steady, healthy growth, and that we do now adjourn.”
This 1895 satire pokes fun at the rampant boosterism of the Pacific Northwest, where small towns often hallucinated grand futures as major rail hubs. Today's Seattle struggles with similar aspirations of global status, though we have traded the 'buggy ride' for high-speed rail projects and tech-fueled speculation.
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