The Great Pigeon Whiskey Heist

Officer Spangle has had a unique experience with the pigeons which roost in the belfry of the First Methodist Church, at the corner of Third Avenue and Marion Street. The officer last evening foolishly tempted them to fall from their perch of incorruptibility to the level of police and drunks, and was completely fooled in the attempt. Spangle went to the church to carry out his designs. He brought twenty-five cents worth of fire-corn and ten cents worth of whiskey. The corn was in a little bucket, floating in the whiskey, and after imbibing the corn, he figured the birds would become beastly drunk and fall an easy prey. He scattered the kernels near the belfry and stepped away to await developments. Within a few moments the birds landed on the ledge and began eating the corn. The officer waited with an appreciative smile, expecting each moment to see a pigeon begin to reel and stagger, and then topple over with their feet stuck up into the air. But that was not to be. The birds ate calmly of the corn, but without any of the manifestations of hilarity such as usually attend a real drunk. And when the bucket was consumed, they looked only at each other, then at Spangle, and, unfurling their pinions, soared away for the belfry in a perfectly straight line, scorning the curves and flourishes which had marked their arrival. As for Officer Spangle, he remained rooted to the spot for some minutes, then sadly, quietly he composed himself, and, muttering to himself, moved off down the street.