The Sheriff’s Grim Job Application
A newly elected Seattle sheriff faces a long line of patronage seekers, eventually offering a 'job' that none of them really wanted.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
The newly-elected Sheriff was sitting in his office sad-eyed and haggard. He held in his hand a stack of manuscript representing the applications of 879 candidates for positions of Deputy Sheriff, each of whom said he had worked for him at the polls and had gained him all the way up from 200 to 1000 votes from their personal friends who did not vote the ticket. A man attired in a big paper collar and a red tie entered the office and, grasping the tired official, greeted him warmly. 'Ah, Mr. Sheriff, but it’s a shame to see you looking so hearty. Don’t you remember me?' 'I don’t think I do,' remarked the official, 'although there is something in your face which is familiar to me.' 'Ah, Mr. Sheriff, I thought you’d know me. I worked for you all day election and got you a thousand votes; and I came for that place.' 'Well, I am sorry to say that I have already promised all the places at my disposal.' 'Oh, give me a place; I don’t care what it is.' 'Oh, by the by,' said the Sheriff, with a malicious grin in his eye, 'there is a place, but it’s not worth much, and I don’t think you’d take it.' 'Ah, Mr. Sheriff, I’ll take anything; I don’t care what kind of place it is. Tell me what it is, and I’ll jump at it with my coat off.' 'All right,' said the Sheriff; 'there is a Chinaman going to be hanged at the jail next month, and he wants somebody to help him on his platform. I think it will just suit you.' The man with the red nose ceased to smile and, asking the Sheriff for a quarter to pay for his lodging that night, he left the office and mingled with the throng of would-be Deputies on the outside.
“I worked for you all day election and got you a thousand votes; and I came for that place.”
This dark piece of 1876 political satire reflects the long-standing Seattle struggle with patronage, political favors, and the 'who you know' culture that has often defined local civic administration. While the specific brand of 'spoils system' humor has evolved, the tension between election workers expecting rewards and the reality of limited government capacity remains a perennial headache for local officials.
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