The Dangerous Burden of Judging a Seattle Baby Show
Five of Seattle’s leading citizens face social catastrophe and financial ruin after being unwillingly drafted as judges for a high-stakes baby competition.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
Five of the leading citizens of Seattle are doomed to a fate too horrible for the imagination to dwell upon. The plot has been hatched in this wise: Some days ago, a committee was appointed by the managers of the King County Industrial Association to arrange for a baby show at the approaching fair. This committee met, arranged all the details, and settled upon the prizes to be awarded to the little dears. After this, one of the ladies mentioned that judges were necessary to decide which babies were entitled to the prizes. Then followed a deep-laid scheme which will soon clothe this community in sorrow. This committee deliberately set to work and, without a passing thought to the fearful consequences of this action, selected five of the handsomest men in the city from among our leading citizens and appointed them judges. To make the terrible job sure, they fixed penalties for the non-performance of duties that amount to financial ruin. So these excellent men are doomed to ruin if they do not act, and if they do act, the mothers of all but two of the babies in the county will execute their wrath upon these innocent judges. Their names are not yet made public, so they can enjoy the blessings of life for a brief season until Friday, the 27th inst.
“These excellent men are doomed to ruin if they do not act as judges of the baby show, and if they do act, the mothers of all but two of the babies in the county will execute their wrath upon these innocent judges.”
While modern Seattle’s stressors are more often defined by tech-growth pains and housing density, this 1878 column reminds us that civic life in the frontier era was just as governed by elaborate social theater and the public performance of community roles. The fear of 'motherly wrath' acts as a humorous, period-specific mask for the very real social pressures of a growing town where everyone knew everyone else's reputation.
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