An Embarrassing Encounter on the Train

I had been riding in the same seat with a very plain sort of a man for the last twenty miles, when a couple boarded our car at a junction, and he suddenly uttered a cuss word as long as my arm. I saw that he was excited by their advent, and naturally inquired if he knew them. 'Knew 'em? Why, that woman is my wife,' he blared. 'And who is the man?' 'It’s a feller she’s eloping with.' 'They haven’t seen you yet, and they are nicely caught. How long ago did she leave?' 'Three days. I’ll have a terrible revenge.' 'Are you armed?' 'No. I’m too dangerous when I’m armed, and I left my revolver at home.' 'Then you’ll swoop down on the man and break him in two?' 'I orter, I suppose, but when I begin to swoop I don’t know where to stop. I might damage a dozen others. My revenge must be swift and terrible, however.' At that moment the woman turned and saw him, and she at once arose and came back to the seat. She pointed her finger at him and said: 'Thomas Jefferson Bailey, you open your yawp on this car and I’ll make you wish you’d never been born! At the next stop you get off, or my feller will make your heels break your neck. I’ve gone and left you, and that’s all there is to it, and 'taint no use to bother us. Mind, now, or you’ll hear from me!' And she went back to her seat, and Thomas Jefferson rode nine miles without another word, and as a stop was reached he dropped off as humbly as you please.