The Price of a Title: A Satirical Pitch for Yakima Bachelors
After a socialite’s marriage bargain with a French nobleman falls through, a local editor makes a cheeky, patriotic offer to find her a better—and cheaper—husband in North Yakima.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
A certain rich Washington City woman went to Europe to buy a titled husband. She had read of one American girl who had bought into the titled nobility, and another who purchased a stray prince, and she wished to be as titled as any other girl. So she struck up a bargain with a needy Frenchman bearing an illustrious name, but when she came to sign the contract, she was unwilling to pay the descendant of the king of Naples over $10,000 a year. He 'kicked.' The best blood of the 'Old Empire' coursed through his veins. He was no ordinary colt, but a thoroughbred. He would not trot in harness with an American cayuse filly for any such money. As a result, the contract remains unexecuted, pending negotiations.
It is possible that the young lady in question may not possess other attractions for a husband than her jingling gold. Be that as it may, local pride and a laudable desire to keep all this money on our side of the 'pond,' induces us to make a suggestion. We will furnish her a husband for one-half that money. Yes, we will guarantee that for $5,000 a year, the above-mentioned Washington City lady can do better right here in North Yakima, Washington. Further than that, we undertake that our nominee shall have better morals, be better looking, younger, and husband the young woman better than any Frenchman who bears a name of note. If a high-sounding, glorious title is what is desired, we can supply that want. We can do better than furnish a prince. We offer a sovereign—a free-born, blue-blooded American king, and not a threadbare, impecunious remnant of ancient respectability.
“We offer a sovereign—a free-born, blue-blooded American king, and not a threadbare, impecunious remnant of ancient respectability.”
This piece of Gilded Age satire highlights the era's obsession with 'old money' European titles versus the rugged, self-made ethos of the Pacific Northwest. Today, the humorous 'boosterism'—selling the town as a premium destination for life—is still a staple of Yakima real estate marketing, though the target demographic has shifted from millionaires to remote workers and retirees.
From readers
No comments yet. If you know something about this story — a correction, a family memory, a source — it belongs here.