A Lesson in Redistribution at the Woodshed
A young boy takes his father's fiery political rhetoric about wealth equality a bit too literally, with painful consequences.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
Johnnie, quoth the socialist agitator to his 10-year-old, 'did you sell that old iron today?' 'Yes, pa.' 'Well, what did you get for it?' 'Five dollars.' 'That's good,' and the silver-tongued orator of the hoodlums rubbed his hands joyfully. 'Give it to me.' 'Give it to you, pa? Why, I haven't got it all. Here's your share, a dollar.' 'My share, you young reprobate? What do you mean?' roared the advocate of plunder. 'Well, I'll tell you, pa. Me and Jimmie and some other fellows formed a society, you know, for making things equal. You see, we heard you speak once, and ever since we've believed in dividing things equally, so we just divided up that five dollars.' As the two returned from the woodshed, Johnnie was very thoughtful, and he walked away with a painful limp. 'Pa,' he said at last, 'these ideas ain't meant to apply to us, I guess. They're only for other people who have money, ain't they?' And then the father's heart was pricked.
“These ideas ain't meant to apply to us, I guess. They're only for other people who have money, ain't they?”
This piece uses the classic 'out of the mouths of babes' trope to mock socialist agitators of the early 20th century. It captures the era's deep anxiety regarding the labor movement and the redistribution of wealth, framing economic policy as a domestic hypocrisy.
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