The Political Cost of War
A wounded veteran discovers that his war stories are ironically costing him votes in his run for Congress.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
Capt. Rob Shaftoe concluded to run for Congress. His record as a soldier was of the very best. His opponent was a politician, and not a soldier. One day, Rob addressed an assembled multitude in front of a crossroad grocery. He told the story of his hardships in the field; how he had been stricken down under the very muzzles of the enemy's battery. When he had concluded, one of the sovereigns approached him with sympathy. 'Cap'n Rob, sir, all that true you told us?' 'True as gospel, my friend.' 'And you got knocked over? And come nigh dyin' two whole nights in misery?' 'Yes, my friend, it is all true.' 'Well,' said the interrogator, 'I am blamed if you haven't suffered enough for the country. I don't see why we should send you out among them Congress fellows. They're a hard lot. T'other man is young and ain't of much account anyway. Let him suffer awhile; so I guess I'll vote for him.'
“I am blamed if you haven't suffered enough for the country. I don't see why we should send you out among them Congress fellows.”
This satirical piece highlights the disconnect between the reverence held for veterans and the willingness of voters to actually elect them to office. The 'thank you for your service' trope, even in the 1870s, seemed to carry a paradoxical political weight.
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