The Great Goose Hunt Fiasco
Four local men head into the wild to secure a feast, only to return with a story of deception and a very expensive bottle of wine.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
A week ago E. L. Koehler, A. A. Brauer, James Patterson, and L. W. Walker started off, armed to the teeth, on a wild goose chase. Since then, nothing was heard from them except rumors that the geese had donned suits of composite armor, rendering them shot-proof. One ridiculous report claimed a gander landed on Brauer's gun and made faces at him, nearly killing the jeweler with fright. The nimrods have since returned and report a glorious time. The geese being unattainable, they became adepts at digging clams. With great pomp, Brauer took an alleged goose to his boarding house to feast his fellow-boarders. As course after course was brought in and no morsel of goose appeared, the boarders grew restless. Dessert came with the horrifying intelligence that the goose had long ago departed this life and was not fit for table use. The boys enjoyed their $2.51 worth of wine but accused Brauer of bringing home a bird he found dead on the beach.
“With great pomp Brauer took an alleged goose to his boarding house to feast his fellow-boarders... Dessert came with the horrifying intelligence that the goose had too long ago departed this life.”
Outdoor recreation and exaggerated tall tales have been a cornerstone of life in Grays Harbor since its founding. Even in the 1890s, the social life of the boarding house revolved around these shared, if sometimes disappointing, communal meals.
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