The Boss’s Math Lesson

Bill Sykes opened the office door somewhat aggressively and approached his employer with respect, yet not timid, and asked for a raise in wages. “Want more pay, do you?” said the employer. “Have a seat. Take this chair; it is more comfortable. Have a cigar. Now,” said his employer, “there are 365 days in the year.” Bill: “Yes.” Employer: “You spend one-third of the time in sleep.” Bill admitted that he did. Employer: “That amounts to 122 days, which subtracted from 365 days, leaves 243. Very well. Another one-third is spent in play, recreation and amusement. That is 122 days, which, subtracted from 243, leaves 121 days.” Bill assented to the accuracy of this deduction. “Now,” continued his employer, “there are 52 Sundays. Deduct 52 from 121 and it leaves 69 days.” Bill agreed. “Then,” said his employer, “the half holiday on Saturdays amounts to 26 days; subtract that from 69 days and we get 43 days.” Bill wiggled in his chair and admitted solemnly to the fact. Employer: “Now there are 13 holidays in the year, which, subtracted from 43 days, leaves 30 days.” Bill grunted. Employer: “Then there is one hour at noon, which, during the year amounts to 15 days, and which, subtracted from 30 days, leaves 15 days.” Bill showed signs of uneasiness, but could not dispute the truth of his employer’s deductions. Employer: “Now you have two weeks’ vacation. Fourteen days deducted from 15 leaves one day.” Bill turned pale, but admitted the accuracy of the figures. Employer: “You remember that at the time of the beginning of the baseball season, you were absent one day to assist in the obsequies of your grandmother, which accounts for 365 days. It seems to me, Bill, that you don’t work for me at all.” Exit Bill.