The Practical Joke of the Frontier
A settler’s terrifying encounter with two armed Indigenous men concludes not with the massacre he feared, but with a surreal—and expensive—demanding of his household supplies.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
About twenty years ago, during an Indian raid, the experience of a farmer whom we will call Thompson was rather more ludicrous than tragical, and illustrated an Indian’s idea of a practical joke. Thompson had hidden his family in the cellar when two savages, ferocious with war paint and feathers, rode up to his house. Thompson, expecting a massacre, opened the door. The intruders stalked in, demanding 'meat, potatoes, whisky.' The idea conveyed was that everything in the house was to be considered the property of the uninvited guests. Thompson’s wife promptly bestirred herself. The Indians then devoured two loaves of bread, a leg of mutton, more than half a peck of potatoes, and a three-pint measure of whisky. After smoking their pipes, they turned their attention to the barn. 'I'gh!' one said. 'Thompson horses—Injun horses. Thompson saddle, bridle—Injun saddle, bridle.' With no choice but to comply, the horses were surrendered. As they departed, the Indians mockingly bade their host 'Good-bye, Thompson, good-bye, pappoose.' To his dying day, Thompson never knew whether the visitors were actually raiding or merely playing a grim, hungry trick.
“The Indian looked at her, and then turning to Thompson, asked: 'Pale face—name you?' 'Thompson.' 'Pale face—pappoose?'”
This story, published in 1877 but looking back to the 'Indian Wars' era, captures the profound power imbalance and terror defining early pioneer-Indigenous relations in Washington. It serves as a reminder of how settler anxiety and the violent displacement of Indigenous peoples were often mythologized into folklore to process a brutal history.
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