The Self-Appointed 'Old Man' of Walla Walla
A traveler reflects on the shifting nature of American honors and finds that his grand titles have evaporated in the frontier town of Walla Walla.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
An old number of 'Punch' says that Americans are extremely fond of sniffing around a title. Starting from New York, where I first became a 'Captain' and frequently 'Boss,' I arrived in California, where I passed through a succession of most flattering degrees: 'Major,' 'Colonel,' and 'General.' Once I was nominated for Justice of the Peace, but not being qualified, I could not run. However, in that region I am 'Judge' to the present day. Suffice it to say that I find this, your town of Walla Walla, most chary of its honorary distinctions. Will you believe it, that with all my merit, I am only classed here as 'Old Man?'
“I find this, your town of Walla Walla, most chary of its honorary distinctions. Will you believe it, that with all my merit, I am only classed here as 'Old Man?'”
The essay mocks the American tendency to inflate social status through performative titles, a cultural habit that persists today in corporate and social networking circles. It provides a rare, humorous look at the social hierarchy of 1864 Walla Walla.
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