In Defense of the Old Hat
A Snohomish resident offers a defiant, humorous ode to a battered, three-year-old hat that refuses to quit.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
We are moved to protest. A friend tells us that we must, without ruining our health, put some money into the luxury of a new hat. We bought this hat three years ago for the consideration of $3.50, and it was delivered to us by the party of the first part. To this day, it has covered our humble head on all occasions—rain or shine, hot or cold, by day and by night—and never in all that time went back on us. We admit it has a chronic lop in the rim, that there is a hole in the crown, and a rupture in its faithful side; nor can we conceal the fact that the band is gone. The effects of time and wear are visible from its rim to crown, and yet it is true to its trust. We remember with copious tears putting it up as a mark for a cruel small-boy to shoot at, and look with regret at the holes in its trusty side. Vile ingratitude! Now, after years of faithful service rendered, must we part because, forsooth, Time, who should have taught men sense (but failed ignominiously), has dimmed its glory and robbed it of its symmetry? No! We stand by our rights. You who are unbalanced of an old hat, and who, by some crazy freak of fortune, have come in possession of a better, frown upon us if you will, but remember this: many a better hat covers a rotter spot. Moral: Attend to your own business.
“Many a better hat covers a rotter spot. Moral: Attend to your own business.”
In an era of hyper-consumerism and disposable fashion, this 1878 editorial serves as a sharp, witty reminder of the virtue of 'making do.' The author's attachment to his battered hat challenges the vanity of his contemporaries, a sentiment that feels refreshingly grounded in today's era of repair-culture and sustainable living.
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