The Sad Tale of the Professional Mourner
A gray-haired swindler working Seattle's Second Street cigar shops finds that his heart-wrenching sob story—and his prop bandana—only work once per merchant.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
John McDaniel, a gray-haired man of 63, is an accomplished swindler. He has worked upon the sympathies of James H. Gerah, the proprietor of a Second Street cigar store, in a manner that shows him to be a good actor. Last night the old man stepped into the store and seemed in trouble. Tears filled his eyes and trickled down his wrinkled face. Receiving encouragement from the sympathizing Mr. Gerah, McDaniel used his bandanna handkerchief and told a pathetic story: 'I have just arrived from Spokane Falls and am in straitened circumstances. My son, my only support, was killed day before yesterday. He fell from a wagon and the wheels passed over him. Kind sir, if you can help me heaven will witness it, for I am in distress and am hungry.' The old man was rendered assistance and he limped out with many thanks. Mr. Gerah thought no more of it until yesterday, when the old man, with the same watery eyes and the same faded bandanna, came into the shop again to tell the identical story. Mr. Gerah waited until he had finished and said indignantly: 'See here, old man, you're doing this thing twice.' McDaniel looked astonished and expostulated, averring there must be a mistake, as he had just arrived from Spokane Falls. He went away with a worried look, as if wondering who his double could be. About three hours later, the old man was seen coming down the street 'as full as a tick,' as Mr. Gerah put it. The old fellow was so drunk he wanted the whole street.
“The old man was seen coming down the street 'as full as a tick,' as Mr. Gerah put it. The old fellow was so drunk he wanted the whole street.”
This grifter’s performance of manufactured tragedy remains a timeless staple of city life. While the venue has shifted from cigar stores to modern digital platforms like GoFundMe, the age-old tension between personal charity and skepticism persists in Seattle’s busy corridors.
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