The Seattle Marksman Who Shot Himself Into a Nervous Breakdown
A hardware store's promotional stunt goes horribly wrong when counting shot holes leads to a mental collapse.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
As a reporter was strolling up Front Street yesterday, his attention was attracted by a large sheet of paper in the show window of a hardware store, surmounted by a cut of a double-barreled shotgun. On making closer observation, he noticed that public attention was called to the same, by reading an attached notice: 'Examining this target. Five hundred and twenty-five shots in a 15-inch circle, at 40 yards. Shooting done by Wm. McDonald, with a Parker Brothers' gun, owned by W. A. Terry.' Thinking this was unusual shooting, the reporter asked a certain 'scatter gun' expert about the same, and he was directed to the show window of Hardy & Hill's store, opposite the Opera House. He there found a small piece of paper, with a 12-inch circle containing about 1,037 shot holes, also a block of wood six inches square with a hole through it. On the margin of the paper was the following: 'How is this for a common, or dummy gun?' and at the bottom was the following: 'Target made by R. H. Clarke, champion wing shot of Washington Territory, and present holder of the first medal of the Seattle Rod and Gun Club. Shooting done with a Harrington & Richardson hammerless, double-barrel, ten gauge shotgun. Distance, 40 yards; drams powder, 1 1-4 ounces No. 8 hard shot.' The reporter went into the store and asked Mr. Hill if he knew of his own knowledge the number of pellets of shot which had struck inside that 12-inch circle. His face flushed at the question, after which he turned deathly pale, and in a low whisper he said, 'Don't talk so loud. My partner started to count the pellets, and got up to 967, when his mind commenced to wander, and he said: 'Bill, take me away, for it seems the more I count, the more holes I find to be counted.' Well, the poor fellow gave out, and I shall have to send him to Snoqualmie Falls to recruit his shattered nerves. I only hope that we will have no more targets to count this year, at least by that common, ordinary gun.'
“My partner started to count the pellets, and got up to 967, when his mind commenced to wander, and he said: 'Bill, take me away, for it seems the more I count, the more holes I find to be counted.'”
This piece of 1885 yellow journalism highlights the frantic, over-the-top promotional culture of early Seattle, where hardware merchants were the influencers of the day. It captures a moment of Gilded Age absurdity that mirrors the modern tendency of small businesses to engage in hyper-competitive social media stunts to capture local attention.
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