The Blundering Firefighters of Pioneer Square

The fire spread rapidly until it threatened the Palace Rink, owned by our esteemed fellow-townsman, Mr. Pendergast. With a degree of forethought worthy of a better cause, Mr. Pendergast requested the propriety of calling out the hook and ladder company. Some delay ensued in trying to find the janitor of Pioneer Book and Ladder Company No. 1’s building; but at last he was secured, and after he had gone home for the key, Mr. Pendergast ran swiftly down the street to awake the foreman. After he had donned himself, he inquired anxiously about the fire, only to say that he had not been foreman of the company since the 3rd of April. Meantime, the fire continued to rise up and lick at salt-barrels in close proximity to the rink. Twice Mr. Pendergast was seen to shudder, after which he went home and filled out a blank which he forwarded to the insurance company. Just as the town seemed doomed, the hook and ladder company came rushing down the street with their navy-blue truck. Some delay ensued as several officers claimed that under a new by-law passed in January, they were permitted to ride on the truck to fires. This having been objected to by a gentleman who had lived in Chicago several years, a copy of the by-laws was sent for and the dispute summarily settled. The company then donned its rubber overcoats with great coolness and proceeded to deftly twist the tail of the fire. It was a thrilling fight as James McDonald rapidly ascended one of the ladders in the full glare of the devouring element, and fell off again. Finally, the stable was finished off by the dread, and the hook and ladder company directed its attention toward the dancing and skating parlors of our fellow-townsman, Mr. Burlingame. The company succeeded in pulling two stone window sills out of this building before it burned. Both times they were cheered by the large and aristocratic audience.