The Hard Sell at the Church Social
A bashful young man finds himself trapped at a church fair, unable to escape the relentless solicitation of two persistent young women.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
It was at a church fair, and he had come there at the special request of his cousin. He opened the door bashfully when a young lady grabbed him by the arm: 'Oh, you must take a chance in our cake. Come right over here.' Blushing, he stammered that he didn't have the pleasure of knowing her. 'Oh, that's all right. You'll know me better before you leave.' She dragged him to a table, sold him two slices of cake, told his fortune, and weighed him on a scale—all for a price. When he finally tried to leave, his cousin interrupted: 'Oh, Jack, is that you? Buying flowers for Miss Giggle, too? Oh, I shall be terribly jealous unless you buy me a basket, too.' The youth, looking terribly confused, paid up and finally broke away, counting his remaining cash to see if he had enough for the car fare home.
“Well, if ever I visit another fair may I be-- he ejaculated as he counted his cash to see if he had the car fare to ride home.”
Charity fairs and social clubs were the primary engine of civic life in 1883. The scene highlights a timeless social dynamic: the performative, high-pressure 'volunteering' that occurs when social status and charity overlap.
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