The 'Combined Eye-Glass and Deadshot Expectorator'
A traveling salesman tries to peddle an absurd invention to the local elite of the Pacific Club to 'fix' a social problem nobody knew they had.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
The other evening, at a party of the most solemn members of the Pacific Club, a thin man, attired chiefly in a shiny coat and an ingratiating smile, slid into the room. He introduced his latest triumph of inventive genius: the 'Oafley's Combined Eye-Glass, Nose Sight and Deadshot Expectorator.' He claimed that 94 percent of domestic quarrels were caused by the head of the family's inability to aim properly at the spittoon. By using this apparatus, featuring a Winchester rifle-style elevating breech sight, one could expectorate with precision from one to fifteen yards. He demonstrated by putting out a member's cigar across the room. He then drifted off to see the Secretary of State about a patent for the invention.
“I have something here that you want—something you need worse than a hungry dog does a bone.”
This piece highlights the era's fascination with 'snake oil' inventions and the performative nature of traveling salesmen who preyed on the social vanities of Victorian-era clubs.
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