The Unwelcome Arrival of the 'Legal Luminaries'
A satirical jab at two self-styled lawyers who drifted into Snohomish with big egos and empty heads.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
For the past few weeks this town has been noted by the presence of a distinguished gentleman from Limerick, or some other seaport town, who sports a high-toned French sounding name. Since his arrival, an old-time resident of this place, heretofore regarded as a luckless wight, unfit for any of the higher walks of life, has been so elated by associating with this late arrival, that rumor says they will soon open a law office, or something of that kind; when all legal talent previously here will, by the effort of these new luminaries, be compelled to hide a diminished head. Even the typical anger of the STAR will no longer avail, as the natural boring capacity of these new lights will be so much ahead of anything heretofore seen, that nothing will be left as a standard of comparison with them. They have already noted their first success in measuring the legal talent of the place. All that is necessary to ensure their success is to complete the legal combination already so celebrated here. Some severe critics might say that there is no truth in these rumors, as neither of them have studied the law sufficiently to know aught of its principles. This undoubtedly would be a complete bar to success for common mortals, yet it will rather aid than hinder them in fully manifesting their leading characteristics.
“Even the typical anger of the STAR will no longer avail, as the natural boring capacity of these new lights will be so much ahead of anything heretofore seen.”
This 1870s satire on 'fringe' professionals attempting to leverage social connections over actual expertise mirrors the modern cynicism toward self-proclaimed experts and the grift culture often found in rapidly growing, small-town business scenes.
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