Lawyers vs. Insurance Men: A Charity Ballgame and a Mock-Biblical Declaration of War
Seattle's bar association answers the 'tribe of Insurance Men' on the diamond at Madison Street Park, with the gate money going to the Bureau of Associated Charities.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
This afternoon at 3 o'clock the lawyers and insurance men will meet at Madison Street Park and play ball, the proceeds to be given to the Bureau of Associated Charities. President Orange Jacobs, of the Bar Association, has issued the following edict and proclamation on behalf of the lawyers:
"PROCLAMATION NO. 2.
"Harken unto my voice, ye chieftains of the tribes of the law dwelling in lowliness. Unto the seas in the land called the Faithful, messengers sent by you have come unto us and told us of the great victory won by the tribe of the Law over the hosts of the Philistines in the pitched battle on the first day of the month called August, in the second year of the reign of John, of the tribe of McGraw, and we were greatly rejoiced thereat. The rebellion of the tribes of the Philistines has been subdued and they have acknowledged the dominion of the tribe of the Law and have become our faithful allies, and we have placed them under the dominion of the three judges of Canaan and permitted them to dwell for their appointed time in our castle in the hill country.
"But hear ye, great chieftains of the tribe of the Law, that while your messengers were from the field of battle, declaring unto us the great victory over the rebellious Philistines, a herald from the tribe of Insurance Men, clothed in full armor, with helmet, visor and shield, rose into our presence, bravely and defiantly proclaiming war against the tribe of the Law. Now, O chieftains of the Law, these men of Insurance who pretentiously claim to hover over fields of charred remains and smouldering ruins with an alleviating benediction, need to have some of the assurance taken out of them, and they and their pretentious demands be made subject to the majesty of the law.
"Now, therefore, great chieftains of the Law, you are commanded to gather about you the true and beloved men of your tribe in battle array, and to meet these insurance boasters on the field where you vanquished the hosts of the Philistines, on the 15th day of the month called August, A.D. 1894, all for sweet charity. JACOBS,
"Chief of the Tribe of The Law in the Land of King."
The game promises to be one of the hottest of the season, and a large attendance is assured. Good players will be on the field for both teams, and have been practicing daily and hardening their hands and muscle for the conflict.
“these men of Insurance who pretentiously claim to hover over fields of charred remains and smouldering ruins with an alleviating benediction, need to have some of the assurance taken out of them”
A century before Seattle's tech campuses fielded corporate softball leagues, the city's lawyers and insurance agents squared off for charity under a mock-biblical banner. The proclamation's elaborate in-joke — lawyers as the tribe of the Law, insurers as Philistines who profit from 'charred remains and smouldering ruins' — is a reminder that civic booster humor and charity spectacles have always been how Seattle's professional class sees itself.
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