The Widow’s Failed Suit and the Captain’s Steel Eye
A flirtatious widow attempts to trap a wealthy widower in marriage, but his razor-sharp wit and exacting standards send her packing.
The story, cleaned up
A cleaned-up reading of the newspaper page: spelling and layout repaired, one story lifted off a crowded page. It follows the original closely but it is not a transcription. The original page is below; read it if a detail matters.
Captain W. had just returned from the Hot Springs. The Captain, a widower at the Springs, was a widow who rather set her cap for the Captain. The girls warned him to look out, and the Captain replied that he was ready. It was on the porch, one of those quiet evenings, and thinking of her daughter far away at school, the widow moved up closer and opened conversation. 'You have grown up daughters, Captain?' 'Yes, madam, I have.' 'I should like to see their pictures.' 'I will show you the picture of my daughter,' said the Captain, folding his arms. 'Oh, you are such a tease! Said the widow, with a sigh, 'I am just like you, Captain.' 'I don’t know, madam, that the case is similar. It is a wonder to me, Captain W., that you do not get married.' 'Well madam, I never think of it. Yet the woman I would have might not have your attractions, you know, widow.' 'Yes, but what kind of a lady would suit?' And the widow looked her best. It was right here that the Captain’s wonderful eyes were turned for a moment. But then, looking his eye steadily at the widow’s, he hardened his heart and replied: 'Madam, she must be sixty years old, sound, and worth two hundred thousand dollars.' 'It is getting so chilly, I must get my shawl,' said the widow; and she fled frigidly past the Captain as she brushed him by with a toss of her head.
“Madam, she must be sixty years old, sound, and worth two hundred thousand dollars.”
This 1870s-era sketch of a 'marriage trap' reflects the era’s preoccupation with the intersection of romance and capital. Just as the widow sought a merger of status and stability in 1870s Seattle, modern residents grapple with housing affordability and the financial necessity of 'strategic' living arrangements, reminding us that for many, marriage and residency have always been high-stakes economic decisions.
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